Klaxons
Xan Valley

Modular 2006

By Chuckie Adams

Rock is like this depressed nearly dead guy publicists keep pushing coke on in hopes that he becomes fun again. They've worn him out. Even a "weekend with Bernie" would do fine by them, though. That's what Klaxons are: a bump to get by.

If you receive music industry and "trend-watch" press releases in your daily flutter of email, you've witnessed firsthand the cautiously-hyper push of Klaxons, with its hee-hee bubbling about the post-nascent, "organic" but downright inexplicable presence of glow sticks at their shows.

After electroclash and dance punk, insiders just enjoy these predictable curves like a Wall Street exec who puts his feet up on a desk, coffee-sipping and re-adjusting his ear buds as the market does its thing. In comes the impetuous yet shriveled cock of Britain lobbying for attention like an attractive, junkie intern. Thing is, a lot of the usual domestic voices are bored, so they are making like Madge.

Xan Valleys has "Gravitys Rainbow," a checklist post-punk single for "indie dance nights" that ardently and unoriginally burns its ends to lyrics like "We'll travel to infinity," "I'll always be there" and "Uh oh, my future love." Deejays know teens feel those airhorns in their diaries and Cheap Mondays. And they have. Get the right ones to wave those glow sticks (which are, as of now, actually peddled by the band and venues before Klaxons' shows), watch the "monkey picks up stick" effect spread and boom! You've got a magazine write-up. Neu Rave. Nu Rave. New Rave. Shit Disco. Glow Rock.

The Andrew McCarthys and Jonathan Silvermans smarmingly shout: He's really dancin' now. Dance! Dance! Dance!

Let's watch this renovated minstrel show, once again.