Dan Deacon is Partymeister to the Plebeians - by Zach Stephenson / ignore Magazine

I guess how you feel about Dan Deacon is best measured by how you felt about the kid who ate his boogers at your middle school when you accidentally came across his paper-jammed math book and discovered he might be brilliant. We’ve reached a plateau with the laptop scene, where a shirtless Girl Talk is some sort of media-constructed babe magnet. Fuck him. And we were going to interview Y.A.C.H.T., but someone told us his many incarnations were going to be on the next three covers of The Fader. So, reminiscent of high school pecking systems, we said hello to Deacon far away from the carpool chatter and he scratched his bald head, said hi back and went back to his MySpacing, where he has only 130,000 fewer friends than Barack Obama.

Perhaps that’s what irks so many people, or maybe it’s his music, which is like a gentler, goofier Venetian Snares screaming from an iBook in a room filled with fresh-faced college kids, dusty baby toys and eager Village Voice photographers. If he ends up making an ought-defining radio hit on the level of “Rock Me Amadeus,” don’t act surprised. He’s already done it on YouTube.

So what is the difference between you, Girl Talk and Y.A.C.H.T.?

Our compositional styles…

And, if one of you had to make a hipster dance using a trashcan and a ukulele, who would win?

I think Y.A.C.H.T. would win.

Why is that?

[Laughter] He just seems more like a trashcan and ukulele type of guy.

You are notorious for your tour schedule. How many shows do you usually knock out in one run and how does this one compare?

Whatever band I go on tour with, we strive for as few days off as possible, obviously. So, on an eight week tour, I guess we’d have like three days off.

With that kind of schedule, I’m thinking things can get pretty grimy per your hygiene. What type of deodorant do you use on tour, being that you’re always photographed by every “alternative newspaper” ever swimming in sweaty, mega-indie crowds? And how did you arrive at this preference?

I don’t use deodorant. I haven’t used deodorant for about seven years.

Uhhh…Okay, why is that?

It gives you cancer.

You look like you play a lot of video games. What is your favorite TurboGrafx-16 game and why did it get no love?

The game or the system?

Let’s go with game.

I really liked, umm…I believe it was called Bloody Wolf. It was like a side-scrolling war game where you were a commando and you had to save your commando buddy. But I mean Bonk’s Adventure was pretty awesome.

That one where you turned Asian and black and head-butted dinosaurs?

Yeah it was great. Also, was it, Courageous Keith [Keith Courage]? That was a good game. Overall the system failed because it wasn’t a major player. I don’t think they had good marketing. But it was the awesome-ist fucking system!

Pretend we’re on Squirt TV, what’s your recipe on Rice Krispies treats?

What do you mean?

Are they good to eat?

They’re really tasty. They’re going to change everything.

When you sleep, what do you see and hear? Use last night.

All I heard last night was William [from Future Islands] snoring.

That’s it? What about a previous night?

William laughing.

For summer, yellow or purple?

This summer? You’re talking summer 2008?

I think you mean 2007.

So last summer?

No, this is 2007.

So, right now? This is the current summer.

Exactly.

Yellow, fuck purple.

So Spider-Man 3 sucked. Which hero do you think is going to make a better comeback, John McClane or John Rambo?

Spider-Man 3 ruled.

No, it didn’t.

Yes it did!

So, who do you think will make the better comeback?

I’ll say Rambo based on making a comeback. I don’t think McClane is coming back, he’s been holding it down pretty hard. It’s been a while since Die Hard was mentioned, but McClane has been riding pretty strong.

I heard Miami kind of sucks, what did you hear?

I don’t know much about Miami. My friend Lester is from there. He’s a cool guy.

Why does Spin suck so bad?

I don’t know. [Laughing] I don’t want to get involved in this why-does-stuff-suck-so-bad thing.

If you and Kid606 had a hair growing contest, who would win?

Him.

Why?

I’m going bald.

If Pitchfork gave you a 1.0, would you care? How would you Fork yourself?

I guess I’d be upset. They’ve been kind to me currently. No offense, but obviously you’re a part of the press as a unit. No offense, but the press is sort of like a weird vanity of mutual masturbation to music. And it’s sort of like a double-edge sword in a lot of ways. It would be upsetting, but I think the people that generally like my music wouldn’t care.

I first saw you play at the Turducken House in Greenville, North Carolina. Now you’re starting this tour off with three consecutive N.C. dates. What’s the attraction, Carolina plebeians?

North Carolina is fun to play. There are a lot of cities that are close together and I can play with Future Islands. [Response becomes muffled due to police sirens].

I downloaded your album for free. In 10 words or less tell me to fuck off.

Fuck off. [Long silence] You can download it for free.

Thanks, I did. What do you make of this whole hippie revival thing going on in rock music, right now?

Yeaaaah! [Laughing]

What do you do on your tour bus?

Masturbate while crying. I don’t have a tour bus. We’re touring in a Subaru.

How broad is your appeal? When you started playing music, did you ask girlfriends what they thought?

Girlfriends? I asked my friends for critiques. My appeal is wide. I don’t ask my girlfriends.

My sister has never seen your video for “The Crystal Cat.” Convince her to stop watching The Last Mimzy and take a look.

Hey, you should check it out. It’s on YouTube, I mean if you don’t like it you can just stop watching it. YouTube, Google.

How do you prefer to pronounce Garnier Fructus? I like to say Garnaaaay Fruteeese.

Is that a question?

Yes.

What is Garnier Fructus?

It’s a shampoo.

[Laughing] I don’t use shampoo. I have no idea.

Steely Dan had a song titled “Deacon Blues.” How influential was this on your life and is your name derived from its title?

I was born with this name. I don’t think “Deacon Blues” had much influence on why my dad named me Dan. I guess every now and then I’d see someone here and there and their dad would be like [old guy impersonation], “Hey ‘Deacon Blues,’ huh? Steely Dan, ‘Deacon Blues,’ right?” When I first started it would like dwarf me on the Internet. I’ve come to slay ‘Deacon Blues.’

In your song “Okie Dokey” you proclaim you have a rattlesnake gun. What exactly is a rattlesnake gun and how would you use it?

A rattlesnake gun is a gun that shoots rattlesnakes and you would use it against someone who has an arrowsmith gun that shoots arrowsmiths, which is the next line of that song.

If Roky Erickson, Brian Wilson and Daniel Johnston were off their meds and caged, who would be victorious in a death match?

What would they be doing in the cage, fighting? I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to see those guys fight. Why would you want to see them fight?

Do you have any great tour stories?

Yeah! On the first tour I did, there were probably like 40 people on the entire tour throughout, like, six shows, so there was no one at any of the shows. No one had any idea who either of us were—we didn’t send out any posters. Most of the venues forgot that we were even coming. We played a show at a really insane noise venue called the Rat Ward in Hampton, Virginia. And this story is like really, really long. I could send you a typed up version of it.

Just tell me the details.

One of the dudes who lived there was this crazy ex-con. At one point he broke in the door with this huge steak knife and was screaming at us for stealing his machete, which we obviously didn’t do. And he found his machete, so he had this steak knife and a machete while he was screaming at the top of his lungs. That is the abridged version. Much happened after that.

How are you dealing with your newly found fame?

I don’t know if I am famous, so I guess I’m dealing with it poorly.

Have you ever experienced a case of mistaken identity? Are there any look-a-likes claiming to be Dan Deacon on the road, like what’s happened with those old soul acts like the Crybabies or whatever?

There is a guy on an opinion message board that claims to be me. He posts tour dates and talks about shows and really sort of banal stuff. I don’t understand why he does it. There is also this guy I went to college with that I look similar to.

Lastly, why are we at war? Can you save us?

I can’t save us. We’re at war because we’ve been at war forever. Hopefully, we’ll all die.

This discourse on Dan Deacon is written by Zach Stephenson and designed by Ryan Speer for ignore Magazine, copyright 2007. Photos taken at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill by Jack Hoskins for ignore Magazine, copyright 2007. A special thanks to Clay Irwin.


photos by Jack Hoskins / ignore Magazine

Videos: "The Crystal Cat" and "Big Big Big Big"